Welcome to the final installment of Soultiply’s Sexy Soulmate Series!
It’s been quite a ride, eh?
At the beginning of this series, we explored the basic questions associated with a soulmate relationship. Then, in Part Two, I showed you how to love yourself in order to share your magnificent love with others. In Part Three, we brainstormed many different ways to meet the love of your life. And now, it’s time to bask in the joy of a soulmate relationship…and keep the love flowin’ for many years to come.
(New to the series? It’s not too late to catch up!)
Part Four: Enjoying & Keeping a Soulmate (that’s this post!)
You’ve found your soulmate… now it’s time to sit back and relax…
Sorry to burst your bubble, but relationships require blissful work and dedication in order to stay strong and healthy. Truly, the journey has only just begun once you find that special someone.
I’ve compiled the 8 most important things to keep in mind when looking to strengthen the love of a soulmate relationship. Use these tips to keep those early-stage butterflies fluttering for a LONG time!
1. Thank Your Lucky Stars
That’s right – always always ALWAYS be thankful for your soulmate!
Do you know how many people spend their entire lives looking for true love and never seem to find it? Do you remember when you used to pray that you could find someone who would know and love you for your authentic self?
Now that you have found “the one” be thankful for him or her everyday. Being together is a choice. Be thankful for every day that you and your partner wake up and decide to say “yes” to the life you’ve created together.
2. Grow Together…or Risk Growing Apart
The longer you are with your soulmate, the more life events you are bound to experience together. Neither of you can expect the other one to remain the exact same person that you were when you first met. In order to create a lasting, successful relationship – you’ll have to learn how to grow together. Otherwise, you’ll risk growing apart.
Create new memories together and support each other’s interests and accomplishments.
You are both bound to change, but if you can learn how to change together and renew your love in new and different ways everyday, then you will be golden.
My boyfriend and soulmate has been with me during some of my most trying years. His everlasting support gave me so much strength during those times. He’s dating a very different woman than the “Brittany” he asked out over 4 years ago – but by learning to grow together, we are more in love than ever.
In fact, focusing on your relationship history can be used as a tool to strengthen your bond. Let the good and bad times bring you closer– and find comfort that you were able to meet the challenges head-on together.
3. Don’t Rush
When you fall in love, it’s easy to walk around in a magical haze, eager to write your story book romance. But remember, there is no need to rush.
If you want to get married and have children ASAP, be clear about your motives first. Are you afraid that if you don’t get married and have children quickly, that your soulmate will change his or her mind about being with you? If your tendency to rush comes from a place of doubt – take a step back and realize that marriage and children won’t fix the internal issues that you two might be facing at this time.
For my soulmate & me, we took our time until we decided to move in together. I needed to make sure I was ready to take that step – because I knew that if he moved in, I sure didn’t want him to ever move out! By taking our time and thinking things over, we knew when the time felt right.
Again, if you are having doubt about any of the big decisions you make together – give it time. There is a reason why your gut isn’t jumping for joy right this very moment. Give it time and deliberation, and you will know when to take the next big step.
4. Find a Balance of Comfy & Sexy
One of the most beautiful things about being in a long term relationship is finding someone who embraces who you truly are. The first time that my boyfriend and soulmate told me that I looked beautiful without any makeup on – I was overcome with emotion. When someone sees your true beauty, both inside and out, it’s a divine feeling of acceptance.
In relationships – It’s okay to wear sweatpants. Binge watching Netflix on the weekend is a million times more fun with some homemade snacks and your sweetie.
Comfort is wonderful, but some couples fall into the habit of getting too comfortable and losing the attraction and desire that ignited their relationship in the first place. Being comfortable does not mean that you can put your relationship on cruise control! Continue to make an effort to keep the “beginning butterflies” alive.
Look at your soulmate and see the qualities that first attracted you to them. Was it that beautiful smile? Those adorable dimples? Sometimes I’ll take a look at my boyfriend & soulmate and for a moment, I’ll completely forget that we are dating (not in a bad way, I swear!). I’ll look at him like it was the first time I’ve seen him and I fall in love all over again!
Dust off those rusty flirting skills!
Send sweet text messages to him or her throughout the day.
Make sure to take time to talk after work, and never go to bed without a goodnight kiss.
Tell him how handsome he looks every time you think it. Offer words of encouragement and praise when she achieves her goals. Don’t keep those sweet thoughts to yourself – share them!
Go out on dates! Hell, I date more now than I EVER did before I met my boyfriend!
Spoil each other. My boyfriend and I have a pact to spoil each other, because if we don’t do it – who will?! We aren’t willing to take the chance to find out.
I’m so thankful to have that man in my life, I need to treat him like the very special person that he is, every single day. The little things mean SO much in a long term relationship.
I come home to a surprise bouquet of flowers at least once a month and I’ll never take those sweet gestures for granted. Back before we started living together, I created and decorated a “treat jar” for my soulmate, which I kept full of his favorite homemade desserts. Every time he gave me that empty jar, he knew that I would give it back to him in a few days full of new goodies to enjoy! It was a sweet tradition that my mother and father started when they were dating and I’m blessed to have been able to recreate it with my soulmate too.
There is nothing more gratifying than making the person that you love happy – find ways to do it any time you can.
5. Hunt out the “Deal-breakers”
These are the tough conversations to have; when the blindfold of love needs to come off and a heart to heart conversation is crucial. Discuss the “deal-breaker” topics.
You know the ones – How does he or she feel about money, marriage, children, where you want to live, and career ambitions?
These are the times to be open and honest. Your soulmate deserves the upmost honest and sincere communication, and so do you.
These are the key areas where resentment can build up in a relationship. If you have unresolved issues, those fights don’t go away without effort and communication from both parties.
If he says that he doesn’t want kids – are you going to be okay with that long-term? Is that the life that you imagined for yourself? If the answer is yes – great. If it’s no – it might be a deal-breaker for you.
If she says that she wants to live overseas and travel the world, and you want to live closer to your family in the States…don’t tell her you are okay with traveling. Lying and pacifying, or assuming that he or she will change their mind on a deal-breaker issue will only cause more harm than good.
These conversations are especially important because they remind you that it’s not your job to “fix” the other person. Would you want someone trying to convince you to live your life in a way that feels foreign or wrong to you gut instinct?
Compromise is a great thing if it can appease both people.
You need to be honest with your partner and consider, “If NONE of his or her choices changed, would I still want to be with this person?”
My boyfriend & I communicate about our pet peeves (he gets peeved when I set the garbage bag by the door before taking it out and I dislike when he doesn’t hang up his clothes). Are these deal-breakers? Of course not; If every single shirt he’s ever worn landed on the floor, I would still want to be with him. But our respect for one another means that we work on changing the little things.
If our ideas on the bigger issues were misaligned and we couldn’t reach a genuine compromise, then my answer would be different.
You have to be honest and tune into your gut.
6. Find a Mentor
Who said that mentors were just for your career?!
Find a couple whose relationship you admire and follow their lead.
You might be doing this without even realizing it.
Maybe it’s your parent’s relationship or your grandparents. Maybe it’s a dear friend.
Go to this person for advice and learn from their example.
For me, it’s my parents. They have been married for over 33 years and the way that they complement each other is inspiring. They’ve never lost their sense of fun and I know growing up with their example informs my capability to love everyday.
Find a role model relationship and learn everything you can. Your heightened ability to love is worth the effort.
7. Never Settle
Soulmate and settle do not deserve to be in the same sentence!
Like I said, your decision to love and be with the other person is a decision you must make over and over again, every single day. It’s not a vow that you say only one time while wearing a white dress.
I would never want my soulmate to feel like he was settling by staying with me, nor would I ever do the same to him.
It is NEVER too late for love. Nothing can keep you from the love that you deserve – not age, not money, not your past experiences or family life – nothing!
As the idea of a nuclear family continues to dissipate in our modern age, it’s important to recognize the messages you are teaching and demonstrating about love through your actions. Remember that your happiness level and outlook in life WILL impact the people around you. If you are unhappy in your relationship – your children, your career, and many other areas in your life will witness the negative effects. Step back and make sure that’s the example you want set with your actions.
Love is part of everything you do if you desire to live a soul-centered life. The decision is yours to make – but know that a choice rooted in true love is always the right one.
8. 1 Whole + 1 Whole = Soulmate
Enjoying a soulmate’s love is a beautiful extra.
I say this because being a whole, complete person yourself is what allows you to enjoy and share your life with another person. Having a soulmate does not negate your independence as a beautiful individual.
Some women might feel like their desire to find and enjoy a soulmate is in conflict with their desire to function as an independent woman.
And I say… you can have both!
Long gone are the days of the “Damsel-in-Distress”, “find my Prince Charming” dynamic.
In a straight relationship, for example, the idea of a soulmate is actually quite feminist. Feminism is the belief that men and woman should be treated as equals. And in order to experience a TRUE straight soulmate relationship, both the man and woman must experience equal love and trust in one another.
Do you know the equation for a soulmate relationship? It’s not ½ soul+ ½ soul= Soulmate. It’s 1 whole complete soul + 1 whole complete soul = SOULMATE!
It’s dynamic and does not diminish any part of you. To create a love that is powerful and lasting, there must be two complete individuals, people who could live and function independently, but would rather spend their time sharing a life with someone they love.
It if feels right, it’s a soulmate relationship. If you feel put down, inferior, or that you are not living up to your full potential as an independent person – it’s time for you to move on and find the love that you deserve, the love that is out there just waiting for you. Fear or doubt is not part of the soulmate equation.
And if you are a spiritual person, finding your soulmate on earth does not have to negate or replace any aspect of that relationship.
There is never a shortage of love – you can love The Universe/Spirit/God wholeheartedly AND you can love your soulmate too. You do not have to choose.
In fact, love expands and intensifies as it is shared with others.
I feel spiritually strengthened the more time I spend with my soulmate because of the love that I witness in his actions and example. He doesn’t believe in a higher power, but I feel a greater sense of faith because I’ve found him to share my life with here on earth.
Also, as we discussed in Part One, Soulmate love is blind. No gender, race, or sexual preference can determine soulmate love. It’s all encompassing – not a single person on this earth is denied this beautiful, extraordinary gift.
If you don’t feel soulmate love in the relationship that you are in right now- it’s imperative to diagnose the root cause of the problem and work to repair it OR seek to find it within another person.
I am so thankful to write this post and the entire Sexy Soulmate Series.
Sharing the joy of everlasting love is a phenomenal gift and thank you for allowing me to share it with you.
Keep these important points in mind and hug your sweetie a little tighter tonight!
Have any relationship tips of your own? Please do share! Let me know in the comments below!